The low down

The truth is, I need this blog. It’s a way to focus me, to ground me, to hone a practice, and become accountable to the parts of me that need much more than my default hurry-up-and-relax approach. You see, my life is teeming with life. Let’s start with the good stuff: I am getting married to an amazing man – Kevin - in June. North Carolina, my new home state, is a fabulous place to live. I am lucky enough to have 2 part-time jobs that are rife with wonderful co-workers. My fiancé and I have two adorable kittens. We are going to move to a fabulous house in Durham in April. We live close to his kind, thoughtful and generous parents. We already have friends in the area, which is an accomplishment and a blessing after only 5.5 months living here. The wedding we are planning is going to be awesomeness incarnate.

There is, of course, a whole set of negatives that go along with these positives (I am truly attempting not to whine here): The wedding planning and budget are big monsters. I am grieving for what I gave up in California - extraordinary friends, natural beauty everywhere, a lifestyle that did not require a car, and a strong sense of who I am in that context. I work 6-days a week for about a third of the pay I earned in San Francisco. The kittens cause adorable wreckage wherever they go. For now we live in an apartment that gets very little light, giving one the feeling of being in a shoe box with a few holes poked in either end. With our demanding schedules, we rarely have the time (or energy) to see family or friends.

So there it is, the low down on what is going on with my life. Whew! Are you exhausted just from reading it? When I got home from work yesterday I was very focused on the content of the paragraph immediately above. But with this blog in mind, I envisioned using my home life to create the kind of space I need to get back to appreciating the content of paragraph numero uno. What did I do? I cleaned the bathroom.

Backing up for a second: I am not the type of person that could ever be labeled a clean freak. There are certain things that I like a certain way, and I get a little rigid about them. But those are pretty few and far between – mostly just the bathroom cabinet and the fridge door. Oh, I should add the kitchen counter and the dish rack. Perhaps I’m being a little conservative here. Kevin could give you a more realistic account. But when it comes to the bathroom, as long as the stuff in the cabinet is organized, I can put up with a whole lot of mess. This high mess threshold is bad. Why? Because the litterbox is in there.

Let’s not go into the specifics of how gross a litterbox can make a bathroom. If you have an imagination like me, you are already picturing it. Sorry. Suffice to say, dirty litter even found its way into our bathtub. I saved that for last. I dug in, and methodically wiped away the grime that I’ve been pretending doesn’t bother me.

That’s the key: I think I have a high mess threshold, that a mess doesn’t affect me negatively. But really, I’m just neglecting myself by living with grime.

My clean bathroom is not perfect. There are fresh paw prints on the counter and I missed a couple spots. But I did something small to make my home and my life a little better. I decided I deserved a nicer environment and I did something about it. I probably could have done anything from reading an enriching book to making a nourishing meal in order to get back to a more positive attitude. Knowing that makes me smile.