a pause

My Dad recently unearthed this picture of me; I’m about 5 years old here.  It captures something that feels relevant to this moment: it’s a pause.  Lately my more involved domestic undertakings have been turning out wonky.  The no-fail Bolognese sauce recipe suddenly produced much too watery results.  The comforting mushroom risotto dish which required a lot of arm strength turned out bland and unappealing.  While the latter disappointment was mostly caused by a dearth of parmesan cheese, I can still take a hint.  I am not at the top of my game.  I need to pause.

A week ago I lost my Grandma.  My body has been reacting to the grief with tightness and pain in the muscles around my sacrum.  What with the recent severe weather, the grief and the pain, it seems there is a strange confluence of forces acting to keep me at home, resting, and still.

Luckily, there is nothing wrong with feeling down, with feeling grief.  I am grateful to have had some extra free time during this past week.  Given that my concentration has been a bit compromised, it’s a relief that my schedule was mostly cleared of important tasks – so I was not at risk to muck up anything terribly vital.      

My time off at home has been filled with lots of little wedding-related tasks and coffee and slumbering cats.  I’ve assigned myself the project of.uploading photos to our wedding website.  It seems to be well chosen, as the photos of our good times in SF, roadtrip across the country, and new life here prove to be smile-inducing.  Projects, if selected carefully, help me immensely.  I love feeling productive.  I have ideas of moving on to making paper flowers later.  But I am trying not to get too ambitious.  I need tasks with small steps that I can undo if I get something wrong.  Since paper flowers involve quick-drying glue, they should probably be put on hold for now.

Yesterday I put together a simple recipe that I’d like to share with you.  Since it has so few ingredients I knew it would be perfect for right now.  The concept came from my trusty copy of The Silver Palate New Basics (original, not 25th anniversary edition).  After reading its suggestion to add Cointreau to the milk/egg mixture I got the idea to throw in some bourbon, since I like bourbon’s caramel notes.

French toast with lemon and bourbon

2 eggs, beaten
about ½ cup milk (eyeball what looks good to you)
1 oz bourbon (I used Bulleit)
1 tsp lemon zest
tiny pinch nutmeg
5-6 pieces of bread, very lightly toasted
butter, for pan
maple syrup, warmed for topping

Combine first 5 ingredients and let mixture sit for 15 minutes.  I’m not sure if this is necessary, but I did it and I was happy with the way the flavors combined.  The bread should be toasted very lightly, just enough to take a little of the moisture out of it – we don’t want soggy French toast.  Put your frying pan over medium heat and melt the butter.  When pan is hot enough, stir the egg mixture.  Immediately after stirring, dip the pieces of bread into it, on both sides.  You may let them sit/soak for a few seconds, but be careful of sogginess here too.  However, if your bread is multigrain you probably should let it sit for a few seconds, since it is harder for very grainy bread to absorb a coating.  Place the coated bread in the pan and let cook until a nice golden brown color develops.  Flip the toast and let the same color develop on the other side.  If your pan is small or you are cooking them in batches, be careful to lower the heat after the first batch, or the pan will be too hot and the golden brown color will develop too quickly.

Serve the French toast with warm maple syrup.

The next time you need to pause, but you also need a nice breakfast, give this a try.